On Vulnerability

I’m thinking about vulnerability this week. Partly because I heard Brene Brown on Krista Tippett’s show Sunday morning, and she was talking about it. Partly because I posted this on the Huffington Post recently and it showed up yesterday, and I feel rather naked. I have to say that I posted out of momentary (though recurring) anger for fake pro-life people, but reading it today, I see that it looks like an appeal for sympathy. Perhaps it was that, subconsciously. I don’t think most of us understand fully our own motivations, at least not all the time, and I am no exception despite all my attempts to be self-aware and mindful and all that.

Here’s something I think: miscarriage is invisible, and no one else cares about it as much as the person miscarrying. People who have been through it can understand; people who are exceptionally empathetic can understand. But most folks just don’t get it. And that’s ok. I don’t see how most of us could function if we could fully understand all the suffering that goes on in this little big world of ours.

And here’s what else I think: Catholics and other pro-lifers don’t want miscarriage to stop being invisible. If they did, they’d never have time for anything else besides posthumous baptisms and funerals. For God’s sake, if Limbo still existed it would be overflowing with the souls of self-aborted persons! There would be no room for anyone actually born.

And finally (for the moment): I’m not sure why anyone, including me, would write something so personal for everyone from family members to acquaintances to total strangers to pick apart. I am certainly not unique in making myself vulnerable in this way. But really, why do we do it? Can anyone enlighten me?


2 thoughts on “On Vulnerability

  1. It is not just miscarriage. It is infertility as a whole. I’ve never even been pregnant. Haven’t ever known the feeling of carrying anything in my womb. I have grieved for years over missing someone I’ve never met and never will meet. We left a church because they taught children were a blessing from the Lord and if we weren’t having them, there must be something wrong with us and our relationship with Him. I think we share because we are looking for someone else to come along side of us and say, “you are not alone. I’ve been there too. I know how it feels.” That is why I have shared my story. Sadly, I have friends in the same boat and they are nearly buried in grief and cannot even fathom or believe me when I say it won’t always be this way. But they are glad to have me there to say it.

    • Dear Amy in MN: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am sorry your church was so dense and unforgiving. People just don’t get it. I have a friend who, after he and his wife finally decided to “stop trying” (after IVF, etc.), insisted that their Mennonite church support them with a shower of sorts. They had a PLANT shower – there was a party with cake, and everyone brought perennial bulbs, which they have moved with them when they moved houses. Anyway, keep telling your story – it really is important for us to know we are not alone. All the best to you!

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